“I’m just trying to help.”
How many times have you heard that before someone crossed a boundary?
Morality has become the new currency of control. But unlike money, this power doesn’t even need to be earned—it just needs to appear real. In a world drowning in performance, virtue is often the perfect disguise for manipulation.
This is not a jab at activism, accountability, or compassion. This is about the performance of these things—where the true intent isn’t healing, it’s domination. Where kindness is leveraged as a weapon. Where shame is dressed in silk and called a ‘lesson.’
👁 Let’s Strip it Back.
1. Virtue as Social Armour
When people are terrified of being seen as “bad,” they do one of two things:
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Disappear.
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Overcompensate.
Overcompensation creates moral narcissism—where people use public outrage to score points, rather than change systems. They posture as allies while subtly maintaining control. “Look how good I am,” becomes code for “Let me stay in charge of the narrative.”
2. Language as Leverage
It’s never “You’re wrong,” anymore—it’s “This is harmful,” or “You’re unsafe to be around.”
You can’t argue with harm, right?
But this tactic bypasses debate. It short-circuits the conversation and paints the other party as the villain without a trial. It weaponises empathy, turning it into a social landmine. Say the “wrong” thing and you're exiled—no nuance, no appeal.
This isn’t justice. It’s emotional authoritarianism.
3. Virtue Hoarding
Some people need to be seen as the “good one.” Especially if they’ve built their identity on it.
But here’s the twist—they’re often the most dangerous.
They gaslight under the guise of care.
They manipulate from the pedestal.
They never apologise—because their identity depends on being right.
True growth doesn’t require a stage. But performance-based virtue always does.
4. Control Disguised as Care
When someone uses your values against you, that’s not support—it’s control.
🗣️ “I thought you were better than this.”
🗣️ “You’re hurting people by not speaking up.”
🗣️ “You’re either with us or against us.”
Sound familiar?
This isn’t how we build better systems. It’s how we recreate the trauma of religion, schoolyard bullies, and gaslighting parents—just dressed up in trendy terminology.
5. Integrity Isn’t Loud
Real integrity rarely makes a scene. It lives in decisions that no one sees. It holds space for complexity. It feels quiet. Because it doesn’t need applause.
The question isn’t, “Who’s right?”
The question is, “Who benefits from the current narrative, and at what cost?”
The next time someone wraps their control in compassion, ask:
Is this helping me grow, or making me easier to manage?
Burn the false idols.
Keep the fire.