Valentine’s Day used to feel like a spotlight shining on everything I thought I was missing. If you’re single, struggling, or just feeling the weight of this overly commercialised love-fest, I see you.
But here’s the truth—external love will never fill a gap that internal love hasn’t already started patching up. Over the past few years, I’ve learned some hard but powerful lessons that have shifted my mindset about love, relationships, and most importantly, myself.
So, if today feels a little rough, here are 5 lessons that helped me move from feeling “not enough” to genuinely loving the person I’ve become—and maybe they’ll help you too.
1. You’re Not Broken for Wanting Connection
For the longest time, I thought my desire for love and connection was proof that something was wrong with me—like I was weak for feeling lonely. But wanting love doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re human.
The real lesson? Needing love isn’t the problem—thinking you have to get it from someone else to be whole is. The best connections come from people who already know their worth, not those desperately searching for someone to validate them.
2. Loneliness and Self-Worth Are Two Different Things
Being single doesn’t mean you’re failing. Feeling lonely doesn’t mean you’re unlovable. I used to blur the lines between the two, thinking my worth was tied to whether someone wanted me. But the reality is, loneliness is just a temporary state, not a reflection of your value.
Your worth is constant—whether you’re surrounded by love or spending the night solo with Uber Eats and your dog (which, honestly, is an elite way to spend an evening).
3. Triggers Are Road Signs, Not Proof of Failure
Valentine’s Day used to trigger me hard—making me spiral into thoughts of “Why am I still single?” or “What’s wrong with me?” But triggers aren’t proof that you’re failing. They’re just road signs pointing toward something unhealed.
Instead of drowning in them, I started getting curious about them.
- What does this discomfort actually mean?
- What am I really afraid of?
- How can I show up for myself in this moment instead of spiraling?
When you stop seeing triggers as proof of failure and start using them as guides, you become unstoppable.
4. External Love Feels Best When It’s Not a Crutch
I used to crave relationships to fill the gaps in my self-worth. But when you rely on someone else to make you feel valuable, you give them the power to take that feeling away.
Now, I see love as something I give rather than something I need to take. When you fill your own cup, you attract relationships that add to your life rather than ones you cling to out of fear of being alone. Real love doesn’t complete you—it expands you.
5. Love Comes in More Forms Than Romance
This was the biggest game-changer for me. Society drills it into us that romantic love is the ultimate love. But I’ve found some of the most meaningful, fulfilling love in:
- Friendships that truly see me.
- My dogs, who love me unconditionally.
- The deep joy of creating, exploring, and following my passions.
- The quiet moments where I fully accept myself.
When you redefine love beyond the cookie-cutter “relationship” narrative, you realise you’re never actually without it.
Final Thought: You Are Worth Celebrating Today
If today feels heavy, remind yourself:
💛 Your value isn’t determined by your relationship status.
💛 You don’t have to be in love to be worthy of love.
💛 You are already enough, just as you are.
So go do something that makes you feel good. Romanticise your own damn life. Get your favourite meal, blast your favourite song, and remind yourself that the greatest love story you’ll ever live is the one you create with yourself.
And if no one’s told you today—you are so loved. 💛